Fights
by SparkELee
Summary: Nothing was ever easy for them.... Barney/Robin. Be gentle, my first HIMYM fic.
1. Bed Debate 2009

Fights

Chapter 1: Bed Debate 2009

Getting her to agree to see him on a serious level had been a legendary feat all on its own.

But this, this was worse.

"Barney, I have slept on the left side of the bed since I was little." She protested, arms crossed in front of her. She was standing between him and the bed.

"Psshh. That was when you were in Canada."

"How does that make it any different?"

"Robin, you're in American now. Men sleep on the left side, it's just what we do." He informed her as he tried to get around her.

"Or, you could just spend the night alone."

His movements stilled.

"The right's good too."

Robin: 1

Barney: 0


	2. Your Place or Mine?

Fights

Chapter 2: Mine or Yours?

"Barney, I really don't want to live in that technology ridden place you call an apartment." She told him over drinks at McLaren's.

"My apartment is perfect for us, and don't mock my technology, it's efficient. And awesome."

"Barney, it's cold and uninviting."

"Well, that was for good reason."

She glared at him. "And those reasons aren't around anymore. But you still haven't made the place anymore inviting. But my place-"

"Your place blows. It's too small. You don't even have a suit room."

"I don't wear suits."

"You're wearing one now." He retorted, pointing with the hand holding his glass of scotch.

"Yes, well I don't have so many suits that I require a suit room." She replied.

"And that's a shame. If you lived with me, you could have a suit room all your own."

"Barney…." Her tone was laced with warning.

He sucked in a deep breath as he pulled out his secret weapon.

"My building allows dogs."

He was met by silence.

"We're redecorating."

Barney: 1

Robin: 1


	3. Vegas or Canada?

Fights

Chapter 3: Vegas or Canada?

"No. No, under no circumstances will I be vacationing in Canada. That's like, a total oxymoron…. Canada…. Vacation… They don't even go together."

Robin rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, well Vegas isn't exactly my idea of a good time!" She told him as she flopped down on the leather couch that Barney had refused to part with.

"Dude, it's Vegas…. The land of debauchery, double D's and danger."

"Barney, alliteration, while thoroughly entertaining, will not change my mind." She warned him.

He plopped down in the matching leather chair, a sulky expression clouding his face.

"Canada suuuucks man." He ground out sullenly.

"Barney, it's my home." She shot back, her tone clearly indicating she wasn't giving in on this one.

"Yes, and clearly you hated it. You moved here."

Despite her best efforts and the use of her stern voice, she wasn't making any headway.

"What if I took you to the set of 'Let's Go to the Mall'?" She suggested at last, visibly wincing at the thought of returning to the location that set off her successful, albeit brief music career.

Barney's mouth fell open. "You mean…. It wasn't just a set? You filmed on location??" He stuttered out.

She sighed heavily. "Yes, it was, and is, a real mall. A scary, huge, teenage infested mall." She admitted as she let out a heavy sigh.

"Would you sing the song while we're there?" He questioned.

She turned her razor sharp glare on him.

"Or not…. That's cool…" He backed off.

She raised her eyebrows before turning her gaze from him. She got what she wanted, even if it did mean showing him around that awful mall.

A moment later, Barney sprang from his chair and darted off to their room, the dogs at his heels.

"What are you doing?!" She asked, following him.

He had pulled out one of his bigger suitcases and was furiously packing.

"Packing. We're going to the mall!"

Robin: 2

Barney: 1


	4. Big or Small?

Fights

Chapter 4: Big or Small

In hindsight, he realized it would have been much easier if he'd have just picked out the ring on his own.

But Robin was far too nosy and he was awful at keeping secrets.

Which was how they'd ended up where they were. In the middle of Tiffany's, arguing. He'd gone all out, closed the place down, ordered champagne and strawberries and now they were snipping at each other.

"I do not see the problem here. This ring is beyond awesome." He informed her, his voice filled with awe as he stared at the ring in his hands. The ADD was kicking in hardcore.

"Barney that ring is the size of our apartment." She protested, gesturing to the ring he was holding up.

He didn't respond immediately. The light had caught the sparkler and his eyes glazed over as he stared at the ring.

"Barney!" She called, snapping him out of his daze.

"I love shiny things…." He muttered as he turned back to her.

She was now holding a substantially smaller ring up to show him.

"See, this is much more reasonable." She told him confidently, admiring her selection with a satisfied smile.

"Pfffh!" He sputtered, crinkling his nose at it distastefully.

"What??" She demanded, not caring for his response to her carefully chosen ring.

"Put that back, it offends me with its small size."

"Barney, that ring is like, 4 carats." She said, pointing to the one in his hand.

"I know, kind of small don't you think? Maybe we should go bigger, like 6, or 8." He suggested, his tone leaving no room for argument.

She held his gaze for a moment, searching for a way in .He wasn't backing down.

She expelled a huge sigh, rolled her eyes and held out her left hand.

Grinning like a kid at Christmas, he slid the ring on her ring finger.

"Marry me Sherbatsky?"

"Duh."

Robin: 2

Barney: 2


	5. NYC Or Niagra?

Fights

Chapter 5: NYC or Niagra

"So we're getting married at St. John the Divine, which, of course, is the biggest church in the US, so of course, it's awesome. Then, I booked the Trump Hotel for the reception. And I think I can get that Gordon Ramsey guy to do our catering."

"Uh, Barney… Back up, St. John the Divine? Trump Hotel?? That's kind of extravagant, don't you think??" She questioned as she scooped her eggs into her mouth.

He glared at her from across the table. "It's not extravagant. It's awesome, and expensive. And it'll be legendary. And our picture will be in all the papers." Barney replied, his eyes glazing over at the thought of his face plastered all over the NY Times.

She sighed heavily and took a sip of her coffee.

He cocked his head. "You're a girl Scherbatsky. You should be jumping up and down and screaming right now. I'm offering you ever girl's dream wedding." He informed her.

"Barney, I'm not every girl. You know that. You like that about me."

He exhaled and met her gaze. "You don't want an awesome wedding?" He sounded confused.

She smiled softly. "I do Barney. But I don't want St. John's or Trump Hotel." She told him quietly.

He took a bite of his toast and chewed thoughtfully.

"What would be awesome to you Robin?" He asked at last.

"I was kind of thinking one of those marriages at Niagra. You know? Where the Captain marries you on the boat with the Falls crashing all around us, it'll just be you and me, no nosy photographers or nauseating family members… Just us, on the boat…. Maybe a little hazy fog..." She replied dreamily.

Barney's jaw dropped and the toast fell from his hand. "My suit will get wet."

She rolled her eyes. "You wear a rain coat over the suit Barn."

"But then no one will be able to see my suit." He argued, clearly perturbed at her suggestion.

She smiled at him. "I thought this might be an issue." She told him as she reached into her bag.

After digging for a few minutes, she produced Armani's latest catalog. She was smiling widely as she handed it to him.

"Turn to page 39." She instructed as she took a big bite of hash browns.

He flipped through the pages until he came to the requested page.

His jaw dropped.

"It's…. It's…. It's an Armani Rain Suit!!" He breathed, his voice full of awe.

His gaze rose to rest on her amused expression.

"I don't have an Armani Rain Suit." He informed her, his tone very serious.

"Actually, you will in about 3 days. Ordered yesterday." She replied smoothly.

His eyes widened briefly before dropping to the page in front of him.

"Wait! Which color?? The navy or the black??" He demanded loudly.

She grinned.

"Both."

"Niagra it is. Does it come with matching boots?"

Robin: 3

Barney: 2


	6. Alistair or Henry?

Fights

Chapter 6: Alistair or Henry

"Henry?? Like Henry Huggins from those dumb kids books??" He demanded over breakfast one morning.

Robin shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "Yes. I loved those books as a kid. And someday I'll give those books to him and he'll know where his name came from." She said dreamily as her hand drifted to her belly.

"Lame. I like Alistair. For Alistair Overeem. The kickboxer slash mixed martial arts fighter. It's a strong name, very powerful. One might even say it's legendary." Barney informed her as he tore off a piece of his toast.

"It sounds like the name of a pompous ass with parents who're too rich for their own good and don't care if their son gets his ass kicked every day after school." She shot.

Barney shook his head violently. "That won't happen. He'll be a mixed martial arts star." He insisted, his voice filled with awe at the prospect of his son being a champion fighter.

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her juice.

"Barney. Being named after a mixed martial arts fight doesn't mean he'll be a fighter too." She reminded him.

"Even so, Henry is lame. We can't do that to him. He'll never be a fighter with that name."

"Why on earth would he be a fighter anyways??" She asked, clearly exasperated.

"Because it's legendary and he'd been living up to his name. Duh." Barney replied, crinkling his brow at her like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I don't know that I want my son to be a mixed martial arts fighter." She confessed.

"PFFFHTT!" He spit in response.

"WHAT?!" She exclaimed defensively.

"You played hockey. _Canadian_ hockey, which you always said was way more violent then American hockey. You were raised like a boy! And now you're trying to turn our son into a soft girlie man!" Barney accused.

She sighed heavily and turned his words over in her head.

Finally, she set down her fork and lifted her eyes to his. "Alistair Henry?"

A gleam appeared in his eye.

He stuck his hand out to her.

"Deal."

Robin: 3.5

Barney: 2.5


	7. Gaga VS Buffy & The Breakfast Club

Fights

Chapter 6: Gaga Vs. Buffy & The Breakfast Club

"I found it!" Barney exclaimed as he slammed the door of their Manhattan apartment.

Robin glanced up from her magazine just in time for her husband to slam a brochure down in front of her.

"Convent of the Sacred Heart? Barney this is a private Catholic school, all girls, it's very expensive." Robin needlessly explained.

He rolled his eyes. "Well obviously. But that's not the best part." He informed her as he plopped down across from her.

"Barney…"

He pulled his laptop from his bag, opened it and quickly began searching.

"The alumni that come from this school…. The Hiltons, Madonna's daughter, plus it's totally school that Gossip Girl's high school is modeled on." He told her as he continued searching the internet on his laptop.

"Well actually, Barn, I'd really like to send Liv to Columbia." Robin confessed, pulling out a pamphlet of her own.

His head snapped up. "She's not going to college yet!" He exclaimed, his forehead wrinkling at the notion.

"No, Columbia Grammar & Preparatory. It's a very prestigious high school, and it's not religion based."

"Why would she want to go there when she can go the same school as Stefani Germanotta??!" Barney asked triumphantly.

She wrinkled her nose. "Who?" She questioned cautiously.

The Queen of Bad Romance herself, Lady Gaga!" He announced as he turned his laptop around to show her a picture of the woman in question.

Robin rolled her eyes.

"Really Barn? Lady Gaga? That's what you're basing this decision off of?"

"She seems smart." He said distantly as he gazed at the picture of the Poker Face singer.

"Alright, I didn't want to have to do this but, give me the laptop." She insisted, gesturing for him to hand it to her.

"What are you going to do?" He questioned, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Barney, just give me the damn computer." She instructed, her voice lowering slightly.

He handed her the computer without a word.

She began typing a name into a search engine.

"Why send her to school with Gaga when she can go to the same school as the first great obsession of your adult life?" Robin challenged as she slowly raised her eyes to Barney's.

"You don't mean-"

"Yes. The one and only."

Robin turned the computer around to show Barney the face of his first great pop culture love.

"Buffy." He breathed out.

"Sarah Michelle Gellar." Robin corrected.

Barney waved off her correction.

"Buffy went to Columbia?"

"She did."

Barney whined low in his throat. "Man, but you don't get it. Nicky and Paris….Lady Gaga, Lourdes… All of them…"

Robin was typing again. Time for the trump card.

"Barn I have two words for you."

He gazed sulkily in her direction.

"Allison Reynolds."

His head snapped up and his eyes glazed over as his favorite scene came to mind.

"You have problems."

His words were met with silence. He lifted his eyebrows expectantly at his sneaky wife.

"Do the next line Robin"

"No."

"Do it." He whined.

"No."

"If you do it I'll send her to Columbia."

"Oh, I have problems?" She recited tonelessly.

Barney grinned.

"You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem."

Robin rolled her eyes as Barney fist pumped.

"Nailed it. Nailed that line. Awesome." He congratulated himself.

"So we have a deal?" She questioned, eyebrows raised.

He dropped down into his chair again.

"We have a deal, although, I feel that for the record, I should state you had me at Buffy."

"I know."

"Then why bring up the magic that is Ally Sheedy?"

"Because you haven't gotten to do that scene in ages." Robin replied sheepishly, a small grin giving away her faux-frustration.

Barney's face broke into a full blown grin. "God I love you."

Robin: 4.5

Barney: 2.5


	8. Pony vs Rabbit

Fights

Chapter 7: Pony vs Rabbi

"No Barney. Just… Just NO. We aren't giving her a pony. She's 6! What in the world does she need with a pony?" Robin exclaimed, clearly exasperated. She sighed loudly. She'd grown to hate the holidays that revolved around gifts. Barney ALWAYS went way overboard.

"You're just upset because my present is waaaay better than yours." Barney accused as he grabbed a beer from the fridge and made his way to the living room.

Robin crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at her devious husband. She hated when he got all competitive like this. She hated it because it got her going too.

"It's a first edition Barney. A first edition of her favorite book. Do you even know what her favorite book is Barney?" Robin questioned hotly, knowing full well he wouldn't remember the name of the book.

"Some book about a suede rabbit." He scoffed as he dropped into a leather chair. He wasn't crazy about books, especially when they were about rabbits.

She scoffed at his pathetic excuse of a description of their six year old daughter's favorite book. Honestly, she was shocked he'd remembered that much.

"You read it to her all the time." Robin pointed out, hoping to jog his memory a bit.

All she got in return was a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders as he took a sip of his beer and fumbled for the remote to the TV.

"The Velveteen Rabbit. Her favorite book is The Velveteen Rabbit." Robin told him at last, a sigh escaping as she finished.

"That's a completely ridiculous book Robin and you know it. Rabbits aren't made of velvet. Totally misleading. This is why kids shouldn't read those kind of books. They're so impressionable at this age." He told her, his tone slightly patronizing.

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. "You cannot possibly be serious Barney." She accused, not entirely sure why she was so shocked by this. She knew her husband and she knew his position on literature.

He shrugged. "You know how I feel about books Robin." He reminded her. It was as if he'd just read her mind.

"Yes, I do. Let me see if I can remember it. How did you put it? Oh! Yes. If they didn't make it into a movie obviously it wasn't a great book." She recited, calling up her crazy husband's views on reading.

"And that rule has served me well." He informed her as he took a long pull off his beer, his eyes flitting to his stubborn, well intentioned wife.

She rolled her eyes and plopped down next to him. She was at a loss, as usual.

"A pony Barney, really? Why? We live in New York. It's going to cost us and arm and a leg to board. Where will she ride it? Who will take her? We both work full time. I can't ask the babysitter to go through all that trouble. And not to mention she'll grow out of it in a few years. It's completely impractical." She argued as she grabbed the beer from him and took a swig.

Barney was quiet for a long moment, staring off into the distance. It wasn't often that he got sensitive or sympathetic, it wasn't in his makeup, it wasn't who he was. But when it came to his kids, he'd found a soft spot he'd never known existed.

"Because she'd love it." He replied softly.

"Oh Barney." She sighed out. She knew, crazy as this gift was, it was truly coming from his heart. Despite her disapproval, she respected that. This was the side of Barney she loved the most, the part of him that reminded her that he loved his family wholly and wanted nothing more than for them to have whatever it was they needed.

"Robin, every girl dreams of having a pony. Every single one of them. And you can deny it all you want, but you did too. And yes, it's impractical, and it's going to take some maneuvering, but we can afford it. You didn't let me get Alistair that helicopter, let me do this for Liv." He implored, his blue eyes boring into hers.

She was crumbling and she knew it.

"OK, first of all, Alistair didn't, and still doesn't need his own personal helicopter. That gift, that was totally ridiculous, especially considering he was three at the time. Secondly, you're right. I totally wanted a pony when I was a kid." She admitted sheepishly.

"And what did your dad get you instead?" Barney questioned, despite already knowing exactly what she was about to say.

"A four wheeler." Robin supplied sulkily as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. God, she'd hated that stupid thing.

"Exactly. A four wheeler. And how did you feel about that Robin?" He asked, resting his hand on her arm.

She knew exactly what he was trying to. She wasn't surprised at his tactics. She was, however, surprised that they were working.

"I was crushed. I wanted a pony. We had all this land, and I had it all planned out. I was going to name her Banana." She confessed softly.

"See? You were devastated. This pony is all Liv has been talking about for months. You know it and I know it. It may not last more than a year or so, but at least we can say we tried to make our kids dream come true." Barney said, his voice thick with emotion.

_Boy, he's laying it on thick. Guess I ought to let him have this one._

"Fine Barney. One condition though." She caved at last.

His eyes lit up with excitement and she could practically feel his body vibrating on the couch next to her.

"Lay it on me."

"I want it to be named Banana." She informed him.

"That name sucks." He protested, his voice leaning toward a whine.

"Barney…." Her tone was laced with warning.

"You know, I always liked bananas. Great fruit."

Robin: 4.5

Barney: 3.5


	9. Hamptons vs Brooklyn

Fights

Chapter 9: The Hamptons

"Barney, seriously? We aren't moving to the Hamptons. That's impractical. Neither of our jobs are even remotely close and the kids are going to school here in the city." Robin pointed out over coffee one morning.

He grunted his displeasure and tossed the paper on the table. "But it's where anyone who's awesome lives, Robin. You're the one who said we need a bigger place. The smallest house in the Hamptons is at least twice as big as this hole. Be reasonable." He insisted as he took a tip from his mug.

She stood and shuffled to the kitchen to grab the kids' bags and set them by the door.

"You're being ridiculous. One, this is not a hole. This is a very nice, well maintained apartment on the Upper West Side. But you are right about one thing." Robin conceded as she set out breakfast.

"I'm right about us needing to move to the Hamptons. I know I am. C'mon Robin, just say it." He goaded as he snagged a piece of bacon from the plate in front of him.

She rolled her eyes. "No, Barney, you're right about us needing a bigger place. I've been browsing the housing sites from time to time and I think I found the perfect place. It's a recently renovated brownstone, gorgeous inside, I talked to the agent, Tabitha Whitlock, and it's well within our price range." Robin informed him as she dug through her briefcase.

"An affordable, recently renovated brownstone in Manhattan? Hmm, well, let's go check it out." He mused. He could give up the Hamptons if it meant a bigger place here in the city.

"Well, that's the thing. Technically, it's not in Manhattan…." She trailed off as she approached, manila folder in hand.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Where is it 'technically' at then, Robin?" He questioned, his eyes coming to rest on the obviously offensive manila folder.

She said nothing and silently handed him the folder.

He flipped it open and quickly began rifling through the pages.

Finally, he found what he was looking for, an address.

"BROOKLYN?" He exclaimed, shocked she'd even suggest it. He'd told her he wasn't about to consider moving to another borough, he was thoroughly happy where he was.

"Barney. Listen to me. Brooklyn Heights is right on the border of Manhattan. Think about this, it's a bigger space, more room for the kids, I actually work in Brooklyn, GNB isn't far, this makes sense. And it's cheaper than this place. Plus, we could actually own our home for once." She pleaded.

"It's cheaper cause it's BROOKLYN." He shot back, watching her retreat to get the kids out of bed.

He turned back to the papers at hand, grumbling about houses and the Hamptons and the Jitney.

10 minutes later, she reappeared, followed by their sleepy eyed 8 year old. "Hey Bridg." Barney smiled at his youngest as she climbed into the chair next to his.

"Hi daddy." She replied softly, pushing her long, dark hair from her face before she started picking at the food on her plate.

"Where're Al and Liv?" He questioned, glancing at Robin.

"Fighting over the bathroom. C'mon guys, let's get a move on!" Robin answered, directing the last part of her response down the hallway towards the bathroom.

"Daddy?"

"Bridget." He replied, gazing down into his daughter's dark eyes.

"Daddy, if we move to Brooklyn I can have a yard and I can have a swing set and I can have a puppy and we can play together." Her little voice trailed off as she stared up at him, her eyes probing his own.

"Did mommy tell you that? Did mommy say you could have those things? Because you can have those things in the Hamptons too, baby." Barney told her, smiling sweetly at her.

Bridget shook her head solemnly. "No daddy, you did. You told me I could have those things. But I don't wanna live in the Hattens."

"It's Hamptons baby, HAMPTONS." Barney corrected.

Bridget gave him a shrug. "Daddy, Livvie says the Hattens have water. Do they have water daddy?"

He groaned and smacked a palm to his head. He'd forgotten about that.

Robin watched her littlest child twist her father ever farther around her little finger.

Bridget hated water. Ever since her entire fish tank died, she'd wanted nothing to do with water. Could've been because Barney might've mentioned the water was 'bad'….

"Yes, Bridg, there's water, but you don't have to-" He started.

"Daddy, I don't like water. Water is bad. You said so. Water killed my friends and they lived in it. I don't want to be by the water."

Barney's head smacked against the table in defeat.

"What's up with him?" He heard Olivia ask as she padded in.

"He just found out we're moving to Brooklyn."

Robin: 5.5

Barney: 3.5


End file.
